MM- is this your pussy?

MM -

Is this your pussy? She is waiting patiently and observing my blog today as the moderator. On another note, I asked the OH (other half) for a new digital camera for Christmas. Not fancy, cuz I know he won't spend that kind of money on me. Any input on what kind or any good deals?

 Do you want some cheese with that wine?
Deleted entry by author for personal reasons. Sorry

 Its Called Therapy
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "IN."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"
7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. dont use anypunctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, "Rock Hard".
17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
And The Final Way to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity.......
20. Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.

- Its Called Therapy...

 Chris Rock's Quote of the Year:
Chris Rock's Quote of the Year:

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a whiteguy,the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U. S. ofarrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three mostpowerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.Need I say more?"

 Test for Smart People or Drunk People...LOL!
Olny srmat poelpe can raed this.Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!if you can raed tihs psas it on! !!

 Santa Booty.....

Merry Christmas early and a HO, HO, HO to you!

 Liquor Warnings

LIQUOR WARNINGS

Liquor warnings; Of course this does not apply to you and me, but you may want to pass this on to other people to warn them.

Canadian liquor manufacturers have accepted the Health Canada's suggestion the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in your dancing like a retard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to THINK you can sing ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can talk with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

W A R N I N G:

The crumsumpten of alcohol may mack you tink you kan tpye reel gud..

 Natural Highs
Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next one...IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end.

1. Falling in love
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts
3. A hot shower
4. No lines at the supermarket
5 A special glance
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer
11. Chocolate milkshake (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath
13. Giggling
14. A good conversation
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter
17. Laughing at yourself
18. Knowing you did your best
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours
20. Running through sprinklers
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful
23 Laughing at an inside joke
24 Friends
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner)
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones
29. Playing with a new puppy
30. Having someone play with your hair
31. Sweet dreams
32. Hot chocolate
33. Road trips with friends
34 Swinging on swings
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger
36. Making chocolate chip cookies
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies
38. Holding hands with someone you care about
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change
40. Watching the _expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you
41. Watching the sunrise
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day
43. Knowing that somebody misses you
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.


 Have A Seat?
How would you like to sit on this thing? I think for woman it could be intersting. I think for men it could be scary that it might chomp down on something it you were sitting on it. LOL! Hope this puts a smile on someone's face. *HUGS*

 Free Hug

Here's a free hug for anyone that might need one. Hope you have a great day and know that you always have a friend in me. *hugs*

 Holidays!! You got to love to poke fun!


 Saturday

Yeah! It is Saturday. My OH (other half) and I are going to watch H.S. play off games. It should be exciting. We may hit a Chinese buffett on the way home. Yes, we are entirely exciting people.

 Winter Humor


 Monday

Hope everyone had a great long weekend! It is that much closer to Christmas. We had the family at our house for Thanksgiving. It went well. We did accomplish Christmas lights on the house, but still have to put up the tree and decorate the front yard. I managed to get my cookies out. Yeah! Well, wanted to send everyone a big hug and hope this weekgoes well!

Love ya!

 More Visual Puns








 Visual Puns
Here are some Visual Puns. In the comment section I have listed to answers to what these are. See if you can match the answer to the picture. Have fun! Let me know what you think of them.









 Day After Thanksgiving - Buddy Day

Hope Everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Now time to say thanks for all my BB's (Blog Buddies).

 Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Turkey Day! I would like to take a moment in do to the season and let all my blog friends know that I am thankful to have came into accquantinese with each and everyone of you. You have all inspired me and showed me different points of view that I will forever treasure. I think you are all a great group of people and I appreciate all the fun comments you let me post and that you post.

Love you!

*Big Group Hug*

 Women Waiting on the Perfect Man

There is no such thing as the perfect man. Everyone of them has a flaw somewhere. If they don't have a flaw they are gay so they are still out of your lead. LOL! Have a great day!

 Hilaroius R-Rated Sexual Facts
Hilarious Sexual Facts....
(This is stolen from Momma with her permission to post)

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, and Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What does a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury DoughBoy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

 Almost Turkey Day

Only 2 more days till Turkey day. What do you have planned?

 U R A Texan If:
U R A Texan If:
1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls,San Antonio, Burnet, Boerne, Nacogdoches , Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, andWaxahachie.
2. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yardand look for a funnel.
3. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" inthe same day.
4. You know that the true value of a parking space is notdetermined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
6. You see people wear biboveralls at funerals.
7. You measure distance in minutes.
8. LittleSmokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
9. You go tothe lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.
10. You listen tothe weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
11. You know cowpies arenot made of beef.
12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plantheir wedding date.
13. You have known someone who has had a belt bucklebigger than your fist.
14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental,ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
15. Your "place at the lake"has wheels under it.
16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol; a FordF350 4x4 is.
17. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressin'.
18.You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
19. Youactually understand this and you are "fixin' to" send it to your friends.
20. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:"You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper

 Monday...pfft!


 Glowie's Big Day

Okay, today is Glowie's big day. I hope she doesn't chicken out. LOL! Who is watching it online?

 5 Reasons Not to Ask the Fairy to Become A Penis

5 reasons not to be a penis

1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an asshole.
And my personal favorite...
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.

 Don't Mess With Mom
I thought this was cute for all the moms that have rebelious childern and if you don't have kids like me it will still put a smile on your face:

DON'T MESS WITH MOM

My son came home from school one day
with a smirk upon his face,
He decided he was smart enough
to put me in my place,

Guess what I learned in Civics Two"?
that's taught by Mr. Wright,
It's all about the laws today.
'The 'Children's Bill of Rights,

It says I need not clean my room don't have to cut my hair,
No one can tell me what to think
or speak, or what to wear,
I have freedom from religion

and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head
and I sure don't have to pray,
I can wear earrings if I want

and pierce my tongue & nose,
I can read & watch just what I like
get tattoos from head to toe,
And if you ever spank me.

I'll charge you with a crime,
I'll back up all my charges
with the marks on my behind,
Don't you ever touch me,

my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses
that's just more child abuse
Don't preach about your morals,

like your Mama did to you,
That's nothing more than mind control!
And it's illegal too,
Mom, I have these children's rights,

so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
"better known as C.S.D
Of course my first instinct was

to toss him out the door
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more,
I mulled it over carefully.

I couldn't let this go,
A smile crept upon my face
he's messing with a pro
Next day I took him shopping

at the local Goodwill Store,
I told him, "Pick out all you want
there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.

who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of th ose Nike Airs
I've cancelled that appointment

to take your driver's test
The C.S.D. is unconcerned,
"so I'll decide what's best,
I said "No time to stop and eat

or pick up stuff to munch
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch,
Just save the raging appetite

and wait till dinner time,
We're having liver and onions
"a favorite dish of mine,
He asked "Can I please rent a movie?",

to watch on my VCR,
Sorry, but I sold your TV"
for new tires on my car,
I also rented out your room

you'll take the couch instea
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head,
Your clothing won't be trendy no.

I'll choose what we eat,
That allowance that you used to get
will buy me something neat,
I'm selling off your jet ski., dirt-bike & roller blades

',Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights!
It's in effect today,
Hey hot shot, are you crying?

Why are you on your knees,
Are you asking God to help you out..?"instead of C.S.D

 Wedding Gift for Glowie (Jared Leto)

Glowie,

Here is the pic in US Weekly I promised you. Consider it your wedding gift. Hope you enjoy!

Sonya

 Who Ran the Strippers Away From Glowie's Bachelorette Party?


 Glowie's Blog Bachelorette Party


 Wednesday Humor....Silliness Stress Reliever

NEW NAME IS .Sloppy Farkleface

We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute. Please don't be a bore and ruin it. Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humor...
A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
B. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. Don't forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And don't go all adult - a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer. The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober>
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:>
a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.

What is your new name?

 New Men's Restroom

Do you think Men would get a litte shy peeing in in this restroom with these paintings on the wall? It might shrivel a little, don't ya think?

 Best Signs Ever.....

Friends don't let friends take home ugly men
Women's restroom
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE




Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University
Durham, NC




If life is a waste of time,and time is a waste of life,then let's all get wasted togetherand have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza
Washington, DC




Remember, it's not,"How high are you?"it's "Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81,
West Virginia




Fighting for peace is likescrewing for virginity.
The Bayou,
Baton Rouge, LO




No matter how good she looks,some other guy is sick and tiredof putting up with her shit.
Men's RoomLinda's Bar and Grill,
Chapel Hill, NC




At the feast of egoeveryone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea,
Tucson, AZ




It's hard to make a comebackwhen you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus,
Wickenburg, AZ




Make love, not war.-Hell, do bothGET MARRIED!
Women's restroom
The Filling Station,
Bozeman, MT






If voting could really change things,it would be illegal.
Revolution Books
New York, New York.




If pro is opposite of con,then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Men's restroom
House of Representatives,
Washington, DC




Express Lane:Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals
Ed Debevic's,
Phoenix, AZ




You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom
Ed Debevic's,
Beverly Hills,CA.




No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's,
Beverly Hills,CA




and my favorite, and most realistic one


A Woman's Rule of Thumb:If it has tires or testicles,you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom
Dick's Last Resort,
Dallas, TX


 URGENT HELP

I need some help and I'm running out of time. We are having a Thanksgiving spread on Wednesday at work. I have to make sweet potatoes with the marshmallow topping and pecans. Any recipes someone can share? I'm a great cook just need a recipe. If not, I'm going to have to cheat and go to Boston Market and order theirs. LOL! Please help. I need this and I need it fast so I can get the groceries and cook them. Thanks for all your help!

 Eddie Guerro

I would like to pay respects to the family, friends and fans of Eddie Guerrero. He was a legend in the WWE. He was found dead in his hotel room on Sunday morning. He was survived by his wife and three daughters. He was a very hot latino man. He will be missed in the WWE world.

 You Know You Are Living in 2005 When....

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2005 when:

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

 Some Cat in the Hat Comedy for Monday Morning Back at Work

Some Monday Cat in the Hat humor to begin your week back at work. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

 Oh Shit......

Oh, Shit!

 Butter vs. Margarine
Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavorings.DO YOU KNOW...the difference between margarine and butter?Read on to the end...gets very interesting! Both have the same amount of calories. Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams. Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added!Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods. Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.And now, for Margarine..Very high in trans fatty acids.Triple risk of coronary heart disease. Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold.Lowers quality of breast milk.Decreases immune response.. Decreases insulin response.And here's the most disturbing fact.... HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING!Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC..This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).You can try this yourself:Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things:* no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)* it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?Share This With Your Friends......(If you want to "butter them up")!

 Why Men Are So Attracted to Dodge Trucks:


 Friday Morning
Woo-hoo! It is Friday. Last night was my first night home since Monday. We have had something going on every night. It felt good. Going with Amy tonight to a "toy" party. Should be fun! Drinks and nasty girl talk, what could be better? Saturday night we are going to the Texas Stampede. Martina McBride will be performing afterwards. So, should be a good weekend. Either way glad it's Friday. So what plans do you have?

P.S. Please keep Carey's dad in your thoughts today while he is in surgery.

 Jr & Max

Well I finally got some pics downloaded. Here is a pic of Max and Jr on Jr's 1st b-day. (Jr the dog's b-day, not Max) It is so funny. I use to make fun of people that treated animals like human. Now I have a dog and no kids so my dog is my child and I totally understand. Who would have ever of thought Max would become so attached though. It is hilarious. I don't know who has it the worse. Anyway, I have mucho pics, but just thought I would post one. So do we have any other animal lovers?

 New Evening Classes for Men Only



 HUMP DAY
Well, it is hump day! So, do da hump.........................................

If you need a good laugh then read the FUNNY STORY below.

*still lmao*

 Funny Story
Okay, who needs a big laugh. My mom and step dad came over to my house yesterday while I was at work to put solar screens on my house for us. Well, my hall bathroom comode is broken. So my mom decided to use the comode in the bathroom in our room. She had an upset stomach and was looking for some reading material. She opened up the cabinet underneath the sink and seen a magazine and grabbed it. Well let me give you some background before I get any further. My mom is a total prude (however you spell it). Also, this bathroom is the one Max uses so you can only imagine what kind of magazine it was. Anyway, she didn't look at the cover she just opened it wide up. Well, she informed me that she seen things she had never seen before. I told her they had some good articles and she said she didn't even notice articles from all the explicit photos. My mom and I have a relationship unlike alot of moms and daughters. She is truely my best friend. Anyway, she said she learned alot and needed to see more cuz she couldn't believe what she had seen. I asked her what she seen and she replied, "this girl had a billadookie coming out of her." I said, "what is a billadookie?" She said, "I don't know, but when I seen it I screamed and called your step dad into tell me what it was." I had her to call my step dad into the room to ask him again what it was. He replied, "a dildo." Yes, my mother had never seen one and didn't have a clue what the word even was. We laughed so hard. Thank, God, she doesn't read my blog. She would kill me for posting this. It was to funny not to share with my blog friends. Anyway, the ones of you who know her will really appreciate this. So, Max told me last night he was going to get her a subscription to a nudie magazine for Christmas. I told her. She said she couldn't have that kind of stuff be mailed to her house, so she wanted to know if we would just go buy her a magazine so she could learn some more of give him our old ones. How funny it this? LMAO! Finally, question how can she be so prude and not into sex when I'm a total sexaholic. I swear we couldn't have came from the same blood. I also feel sorry for my dad before he passed and my now step dad. I know for a fact she has never 69'd or gave a b.j. Hope I'm not offended anyone, but you know this is funny.

 Election Blows!
Well, Texas election did not go the way I hoped. All I have to say is you better not biatch either way if you didn't vote.

 CRY


 KISS ME


 New Government Seal




NEW GOVERNMENT SEAL Official Announcement: The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!

 Election Day
Well, Election Day is here. I feel very passionate about this. No, I'm no major political person, but I do feel election is very important. So, I'm posting a political post for once. I don't think people who don't vote should have an opinion about the outcome of the voting. If you don't like the outcome you should of voted and maybe it would have made a difference. If you vote, you can biatch all you want to. Blah, blah, blah. The major controversy I see is about gay marriages. From what I understand you aren't just voting for marriage alone. This is also giving people other equal rights. This is supose to be an equal right country. Correct? Well, I would have to know if I was in a gay relationship and if I got sick and was in my death bed that my gay mate I might have been with for years would not be considered immediate family and would not be able to come into my hospital room. This makes you think a litte, doesn't it? Yes, I am a straight person, but do have gay friends. I think everyone should be treated equal no matter of race, cultural or your sex preferences. Heck talking about sex preferences, I like to lots of sex, but I ain't gonna hold it against you if you don't like sex at all. LMAO! Anyway, for one day this can be a political post. So comment away. I will respect everyones opinion and I believe we can all agree to disagree if needed. But overall, I VOTE YES TO GAY MARRIAGES! Please comment away, even though I know I am opening up a can of worms..........

*giggles* I said worms. WUYA (worms up your ass) I know a few will get it and comment on that, if nothing else.

 Mrs. Parks, 6th Grade Class
Mrs. Parks, a 6th grade science teacher, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and you'll get fired!" She then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy, that's correct! " Then she turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

First, you have a dirty mind.

Second, you didn't read your homework.

And third, one day you are going to be VERY, VERY disappointed.

 Sad Day
It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-filled schemes.Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

 25 Ways To Tell If You Have Finaly Grown Up
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up".
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those> %&@# kids next door > >won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex> jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog/cat Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a girl, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, >not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to..." replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate her instead of asking "Oh S*$#! What Happened!?!?!?!
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

 Monday Morning

I have posted this pic before, but feel like some people made need it today. Especially momma! *giggles* Well Saturday was a day of shopping with mom and napping. On Sunday, we cleaned house, did yard work (which made me realize I was in no shape for manual labor) and cooked out. It was a great relaxing weekend. I watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Beauty Shop and Lords of Dogtown. All three were good rental movies. I had to be at work by like 6:30 am this morning to get ready for some meetings. I still have to stay all day. I'm so dragging butt so I thought this pic is good for momma and I. Hope the action is moving on it. If not, use your imagination. Hope everyone has a great day! *smooches to all*