Sorry for this long, drawn out post, but this really urks me. If you aren't in the mood for seriousness today, skip this post and go down to the next one titled HUMP DAY. It is much less serious. Yes, you have an option today. LOL! Have a great day!
What were you like at 21? If you are older than 21 now. I was a partier, don’t get me wrong, but I was responsible. I worked my butt off. I was there everyday and on time. Prior to 21 I worked full time and went to school. I paid for all my living expenses (I lived on my own) and paid for all my schooling.
Max’s sister just turned 21 last month. She lives at home for the third time and works part-time and no schooling this semester. Let me give you a little background. She was a great soccer player and was offered a full ride to college out of high school. She didn’t want to go to that school because some chic on her team at her present high school wasn’t her favorite person. She had another partial scholarship to a local school to play soccer too. She strung the local school out until they finally gave the scholarship to someone else.
Well she ended up going off to School about 1 ½ hr away from home and moved in wit a childhood friend. That latest (1) semester. She came home. She went to school here for less than (10) hours a week and didn’t work. She finally got a job, but then had to cut down to (2) classes a week, cuz no one understood how hard it was to go to (2) classes, work part time and have a social life. She really had it hard, hun?
At one of her part time jobs she met a guy. This is like the 3rd or 4th guy since I have known her that she swears is the one and she is going to marry him. Anyway, they ended up moving in together so I helped her get another job that was more stable. Again, she only works afternoons. She opted to work part time again. She is still only taking (2) classes at this time. Well her friend goes into the service and talks her into wanting to go. Oh, btw – this is after she has already cheated on this guy she is living with and split up with him a couple of times and he treats her like a queen.
She then decides the only way she won’t leave for the services (let me inform you she never even enlisted or anything) is if her boyfriend proposed. She told him that. The next thing we knew, she calls and says he is getting to serious and she moved back home. Okay, do you see the double standard confusion we have now? Well she has called and left me a message now that he has proposed and they are going to look at rings.
I don’t know if she has moved back in with him or not. She said he took her to look at rings on V-day and she thought they were for V-day, but he told her to look at bigger ones to get married. She picked out two and told him to decide which. So he put money down and is paying the ring out. Now, they are wanting to look for a house. He only makes a $9.00 hour.
How do you handle this kind of immaturity? Also I feel so sorry for this guy. He really thinks she hung the moon and he is so awesome to her. She has a lot of growing up to and some major relationship problems to figure out. Is it natural to be so immature at 21? Does everyone grow up differently at different ages?
On another note, I do think men and women mature at different rates. I don't think most men really start to be who that are until the mid 30s...some late 30s, early 40s. Women seem to reach that point earlier - much earlier.
I think it's natural for people to go through immaturity phases. I think the best thing you can do is to continue being a good role model & help her set some realistic goals. The house idea? Not a good idea. But they'll see that when they sit down with a banker. We went through that phase (in your early 20s, making a steady income, you assume you should be able to afford it. Hah!). Be there to lend advice, but not push your advice.
Good luck *smooch*
Kim, that is what I'm doing. I listen I give advice when asked and then I just tell her I'll support her decision and she is the one who has to live with it so I can't tell her what to do. I'm sure the house idea will be gone as soon as the mort comp sees their income. LOL! Thanks for your input.
Ok we all mature at different ages, I lived at home until I married the first time at 25.
You made me stop and think a lot things over yesterday. Soooo I am getting very excited about the grandbaby coming.
Thanks Sonya!! big big huggiezz!!
I know people that are grown adults and have their parents to turn to in a time of need; this seems to impeed one's ability to truly "grow" up.
I was forced to grow up at a young age, as were you, but we turned out differently...
so, again - parenting!
At least by 21 or 22, people need to get their heads out of their asses.
A girl I call my adopted little sister is 22 now -- she worked at the ice rink I worked out when I was 26 -- she was 16 then and had a bad homelife --- I took her under my wing and treated her like family. She is so much like an adult its not funny and shes highly intelligent and has awesome morals. Shes drop dead gorgeous and a virgin by choice -- its a relgious thing for her. I'm pretty proud of her ---
FYI- I sent you an email.
Beading - I totally understand your comment. Be exciting! You should be.
Ames - this make total sense. It could be alot of the parents to blame.
drunk - again, so true.
not much more mature than she is. She will not grow up until someone
Les - I totally agree witht he parenting thing and not taking on things till you are ready for them.
PPP-sounds like you were a great role model. I just emailed you back.
Twisted - I haven't heard from Flounder. He must be actually working. LOL!
Anonymous - Poor Brandon. Maybe one day he will grow up. I know you and are the only ones who know who that is.
21 is still very young...I am NOTHING like I was at 21, my take on life is so much clear now...I made mistakes when I was that young and I look back now and as much as I wish I could go back and change things, I appreciate some of what happened..it's made me a much more rounded person...
Give her some time, maybe she'll learn some hard lessons and realize that life and the world is not always about HER
I have a 21 yr old son who spent the last year laying around on my couch. He caused me quite a bit of trouble in January and suddenly got two jobs. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
what's the concensus with everyone?
I do not regret anything that I did, because it made me who I am today.
Syren - I do believe if we learn from our mistakes it is worth making the mistakes and that is what makes us the people we are today. You seem like such a great person today and have a wonderful son.
I should have said SERIOUS - :)
Great post thank you!