My Dad

It was July 26, 1992 and the summer between my junior and senior high school. My friend Lori and I had went out the night before with my friend Devin about a hour and half away to a stock show. Devin was trying to cheer me up because I had a bad auto accident on June 26, 1992 and while being in the hospital my boyfriend had dumped me. I'm sure Devin was trying to get down my pants too. LOL! Anyway, we left the stock show and was driving home about 1:30 am, when Devin had a flat tire. By the time we got it changed and back on the road again we didn't get home (Home meaning my house) till about 4:00 am in the morning. Lori was staying the night with me and my mom asked Devin to stay in our guest room since it was so late. About 7:00 am my telephone rung. I had a different telephone than my parents and my phone number was listed where my parents were unlisted. It was a guy on the phone and he asked if this was "NAME OF MY DAD" family. I said yes and I was half asleep. He said it was an emergency and he needed to speak to my mother. I jumped out of bed with a really bad feeling. I ran into her room half dressed. I stood there listening to her. She hung up and said your dad has had a heart attack. Well he had a series of heart attacks at 32 and now he was 42. Mom told me I needed to stay home and she rushed to the hospital. About 30 minutes later she called and told me to put either Devin or Lori on the phone. She asked Lori to stay at our house and handle calls and asked Devin to drive me to the hospital. I walked in and they asked if I wanted to see him. The ambulance had already brought him in and they had bagged him on the way to the hospital. He was already dead before the ambulance had gotten there. We all went back to see him. He laid there with his face in a shade of blue. My mom passed out. It was the most devasting the day of my life. His business partner and him had met for breakfast like always. His partner said he heard a noise like my dad reaching for something under the table. The next thing he knew he heard his pill bottle drop to the ground and my dad fell over. A guy in the restaurant tried chest compressions, but it didn't work. We found out later that my dad had an appmt already scheduled with the doctor and didn't tell my mom and I so he wouldn't worry us. I wish he would of told us he had been having more heart attacks. Maybe there would of been something we could do. This made me grow up real fast. We went from the "upper class" family to no income. My mom had never worked and they didn't have much of a life insurance policy. After that is took my mom working full time making $8 hour, me in high school working part time making $10.00 hour and my social security check from my dad's death to make ends meet. It was so upsetting to my mom not to have any skills and her teen age daughter made more than she did. This really thought me to be independent and not ever count on anyone. Also, you never know when something may happen to be prepared with the proper insurance. I griefed and worked myself to death through this. I really think this changed my pattern for where my life took me up to this point.

I'm not a Brittany Spears fan and I think she is cheesy, but I think the words to this song describes best what I was going through at this time of my life:


I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman

I used to thinkI had the answers to everything
Mm but now I know
That life doesn't always go my way.
YeahFeels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman