If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly
If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....Deer Santa,I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy allyeer.Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. Howabout I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your olderbrother the space ranger. At least HE cans spell.
Santa
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Dear Santa,I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for ispeace and joy in the world for everybody!Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
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Dear Santa,I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like formy mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom,
who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
Let me send you some Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes,a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'llset you up with a Barbie.
Santa
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Dear Santa,I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots foryour reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan,Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face whenriding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
Santa
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Dear Santa,What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy makingtoys?Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas whereI spend most of my time making low- budget porno films. I unwind bydrinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses whilelosing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
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Dear Santa,Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we'reawake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.I'm skipping your house.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year.Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crapdoesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
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Dearest Santa,We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?Love, Marky

Dear Mark,First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting yourass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in
a low- rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like theboogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams,
Santa