IRS
Dennis arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by another man.
Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported income. How do you explain that?"
Dennis replied, "I love to gamble and I always win."
The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look.
"I can prove it," said Dennis. "How about a demonstration?"
The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Dennis said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!"
Dennis removed his glass eye and bit it.
The official's jaw dropped Dennis said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
The official could tell Dennis wasn't blind, so he took the bet.
Dennis then removed his dentures and bit his good eye.
The stunned official was now three grand in the hole!
"Want to go double or nothing?" Dennis asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and piss into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again!
Dennis climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much got pee all over the desk.
The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Dennis's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking. "Are you okay?" he asked.
The man replied, "Not really. Yesterday Dennis bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd piss on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"